


When it's all that remains...

by Nerd_alert19



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst and Feels, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-13
Updated: 2019-08-13
Packaged: 2020-08-19 16:30:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20212831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nerd_alert19/pseuds/Nerd_alert19
Summary: Just some hopeful thinking for the start of season 7...which seems very far away.





	When it's all that remains...

Her eyes felt heavy like lead, and she struggled to open them. She was disoriented and unsure of where she was.The last thing that she remembered was laying on the floor of the temple and talking to Daisy. She tried again to open her eyes and managed to hold them open for a faction of a second before the harsh light had them closing quickly. She tried to cover them with her hand, but her arm felt like lead too.

“Easy, May. Take your time. Let me just dim these lights for you before you try again. You’re going to feel a bit groggy for a while I’m afraid.” Jemma cautioned and Melinda took comfort in the soft tones of a voice she recognized. Now she at least knew she was with her team.

She just couldn’t keep her eyes open, so she surrendered to sleep once more.

The next time she woke up she could hear Daisy and Jemma talking in the room. She still couldn’t seem to get her eyes to open, so she just tried to focus on their words.

“We have to tell her before she sees him. It’s all I can do to keep him out of here. It was one thing to let him sit by her bedside when she was heavily sedated, but she’s been in and out of it all day.”

  
“It’s _him_ Jemma…..all his thoughts and feelings….thirty years of being in love with her is all ingrained in him. He needs to make sure she’s going to be okay….because it’s _her_.”

  
“I know…..I just worry about how she’ll react. It was so hard on her to be around Sarge….see his face. She barely had time to grieve before he showed up and now this…..”

  
“At least this is him. He has all of their history….memories….feelings.”

  
“But you know how she felt about the LMDs……”

  
“Yeah…but that was before she lost him for good. She was so ready to believe that there was a part of him in Sarge…..that she could have him back. I think if she was willing to hope for that with that monster…..she might just accept this….accept him. “

  
“I hope so.”

Her head felt too muddled to make sense of their conversation from the snippets she was able to overhear. She was starting to drift off again, but one thought, one word, kept bouncing around her brain.

“Phil…” she breathed, and then it all went dark again.

“Sir, you have to leave now. She’s coming around again, and you can’t be here.”

“I know….I just…she’s going to be okay right? You promise she’s okay now, Jemma?”

She knew that voice. Her heart skipped at the sound of it, and she fought to open her eyes. She needed to see him. She needed to know this wasn’t a dream, and that he was really here.

“She’s going to be fine, Sir, but you have to go now.”

She had barely opened her eyes when she saw him retreating from the room.

“Phil….” She moaned; but her voice cracked from lack of use, and she couldn’t get any other words past her throat. She watched as he turned back to her at the sound of his name, and a lump formed in her throat as she caught sight of the familiar suit and tie he used to favor.

She wanted to reach out to him, but Jemma stepped between them and into her line of sight.

“Go, now.” She insisted before turning back to focus on her vitals and block her view of Phil.

“How are you feeling, May? Are you still quite groggy from the medicine? Are you still in much pain?” She inquired, and her head was spinning trying to keep up.

“Phil…” she squeaked out again, but Jemma just pulled a stool up to her bed and reached for her hand.

“May….there’s something I need to tell you, and I just need you to listen to the whole thing, okay?” She started, and the look of vulnerability on the young girl’s face had her settle back into the bed to listen as she explained all that she had missed while she was recovering.

  
He was an LMD. Apparently he was much more advanced than the ones Ratcliff had created, but he was a robot nonetheless. Just someone else wearing the face of the man she loved. She wasn’t sure she could go through it all again, but having jumped back in time left her little option. She could at least hide out in her bunk she thought as she studied all the machines she was hooked up to and tried to decide which one to disconnect first.

“You know she’ll just catch you and make you come back in here right? Probably even give you gross sick people food too just to show you she’s in charge.”

She froze at the familiar teasing and stole a moment to gather herself before turning to face him.

“Melinda….” He breathed and reached out a hand to touch her before seeming to think better of it and pull his hand back to his side. “I’m sorry…I just needed to check on you…make sure you’re okay. Simmons banned me from coming in here, so I had to wait till she was distracted to sneak in. I bribed Daisy to help, but I probably only have about five minutes left before she’s onto me. I should go I’m just….I’m glad you’re okay.”

“Wait…” she called to his back as he went to step out of the med bay. “You’ve still got about five minutes.” She shrugged, and she wasn’t sure why she was so desperate to have him stay.

She knew it wasn’t really him. There was no false hope this time. It’s just that his voice carried the same teasing tone she’d heard for years; and even though she knew they weren’t his eyes, they still held that spark of humor and playfulness she had learned not to take for granted since she lost him the first time in New York. What really broke her resolve was the hopeful, boyish smile that graced his lips when she asked him to stay. That smile was 'Phil', and it was one glimpse of him that she could never find in Sarge.

He grabbed the stool Jemma had used earlier and slid it next to her bed. He did reach out to take her hand this time, and her breath caught at how lifelike his skin felt against her own. His mechanical hand had looked real, and Fitz had made it as comparable to the real one as he could; but it was never warm like this one was. This one felt warm and solid and sent the same jolt up her arm and to her heart as Phil’s always managed to do.

He sat there patiently studying her as he allowed her to set the tone and pace for their time together. She was grateful for the comfortable silence that had always been familiar to her and the real Phil. She wondered if her brain would always call him that now: ‘The real Phil’.

“I’ve gotten better at sitting quietly with you haven’t I? I bet you could get through a whole Tai Chi routine now, and I wouldn’t make a sound. You still do Tai Chi right? Of course you still do Tai Chi that was a dumb question. You wouldn’t just stop doing it after 30yrs of doing it.” He rambled.

A sob tore from her throat at how very familiar this all was. This was so very much Phil that she couldn’t take it, and he looked up startled as he heard her break. He looked so crestfallen and seemed torn between comforting her and running for the door.

“I’m so, so sorry, Melinda.” He said as he pulled his hand away and ran it over his face. “It wasn’t fair of me to come see you. This must be torture for you, and I’m…..I’m so selfish for putting you through this. I just wanted to see you; but you’re okay, and I won’t do this to you again. I promise to keep my distance. I’m so sorry.” He finished, and his anguished look caused hot tears to slide down her cheeks. This was so unfair to both of them.

A sense of panic flooded her as he stood up to walk out, and she couldn’t stop herself from crying out after him.

“Please, Phil, don’t go….You’re….you’re all I have left of him now. Please don’t leave me too.”

He looked so broken as he slowly walked back to her and slid onto the stool before taking her hand once more.

“Just tell me what you need, Melinda. I’ll do anything to make this easier for you.”

She squeezed his hand and took a calming breath. She wasn’t sure what she needed. She wasn’t sure if she could handle another round of false hope and make believe, but she responded with the only thing that she could right now.

“Just…stay.”


End file.
